I feel bad that i havent actually achieved anything website related over the past week. Thats not to say I havent been busy just had other things going on. Other things that are going quite well... Working on a special project for a friend that has become my focus, looking for a job which is currently the thorn in my side...

I want to work so i dont 'need' something to keep me busy. But the constant rejection is enough to make me want to give up - even from places that i thought i would really have a chance at. Does Baby Death make me unhirable? Its like I have a Stigma attached to me now that no one wants to be around. I wish it was as easy as erasing it from my history, but I have to account for the reasons for leaving my former employment - maternity leave, pregnancy complications... then account for the now 5 months that I havent been doing much at all.. wow has it really been that long?

So Mothers Day is Sunday. We're heading to the crematorium. yay. :/



Ive already had my meltdown about it, I was sad and DP kept making me get out of the house for my own good, where i was faced with mothers day parephenalia in every store. Then due to public meltdown he decided i was 'not well' and needed 'help' He called SIDS. The guy on the other end of the phone line told him that everything i was feeling and my breakdowns were actually in the realm of normal behavior - he got quite a shock.. and has backed off a bit  since then thank goodness.

At least it will be a peaceful day... I hope all the mothers, angel mama's and wanna be mama's  have a nice day planned. I never realised how something so simple could bring up so many emotions.

So this Mothers Day:

Remember the Mother's who will be visiting a grave rather than holding their child. It is not a "happy" thought for the day, but it is a reality that we need the love and support of others when the reminder of our empty arms approaches. Also those who have lost their mother and will be visiting her grave. Yes, this is a great celebration, but also is very hard for some of us who must celebrate a memory.  ‎& Don't forget about the women that desperately want to be mothers but are not able to. Mother's Day is especially hard for them... ♥