Had a quiet day today, Im not sure i like those too much... It usually means at least at some point i have time to stop and think, and have tears streaming down my face.
But, at the same time a need to allow myself time to grieve. Time to get it all out, not supress things..
I had to pick up his things from the funeral home today. that was tough, and even tougher I know im going to have to go back soon to pick him up, his ashes, all we have left.

I have been doing a bit of reading too, from the SANDS library, its just so damn hard ... in a way i feel comforted that theres so many people who have been there, but at the same time the fact that there IS so many people its just another thing to be sad about
One theme i have noticed through their stories is the need for acknowledgement. the need to be able to say, yes our babies were real, they did exist.. the need to be accepted, the need to be able to talk about their lost children, without having to hide it, or feel ashamed. i want to say i am a mother, and be proud. not feel like a fake because i have no child to show for it